Something shifts when your snugly newborn is nestled into your arms for the first time.

Right then, it dawns on you that you could take a bullet for them at the drop of a hat.

Many people admit that becoming parents flipped their lives around.

For some (besides bawling their eyes out), priorities were shuffled, careers realigned, neighbourhoods changed, and some life habits tossed out the window.

Faith Hill sang it so accurately: “A Baby Changes Everything.” In manoeuvring the new forceful love for their tots, some parents end up overparenting them.

Yours truly has been there, done that, and got the Tee.

What is Overparenting?

Overparenting is being overinvolved in a child’s life in an attempt to cushion them from life’s harsh realities.

An overinvolved parent may be overprotective, micromanage their child’s schedule, shield them from any ounce of failure, discourage them from taking risks, allow them to gloss over chores, and ensure they don’t wallow in boredom.

Overinvolved parents will move heaven and earth to snowplow their kids’ paths. They will be at their children’s beck and call, attending to all their whims.

Granted, we live in a world fraught with danger. Nonetheless, hovering over our kids and mollycoddling them does more harm than good.

Consequences of Overparenting

Overparenting is counterproductive, even harmful, as it stifles a child’s social development.

• Hampers their self-esteem
• Punctures their confidence
• Robs them of resilience
• Breeds poor coping skills
• Predisposes children to anxiety& depression
• Leads to overdependence
• Fosters entitlement.

Overparenting, therefore, achieves the complete opposite of what loving parents intended. Nobody starts out intending to raise poorly adjusted kids, but that is often the outcome.

Does God Overparent us?

From where I sit, I don’t think so. Undoubtedly, God is the best father there ever was. Does he mollycoddle us? Far from it. In fact, don’t we feel like he occasionally forsakes us?

Like David, we sometimes find ourselves rummaging around for him when knee-deep in trouble.

Look, our loving father even allows us to trudge the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4).

No believer is exempt from tests. Before his ascension, Jesus gave us a rain check on trials.

He promised that we will have trouble in this world, but we are to be of good cheer since He has overcome the world (John 16:33).

Our heavenly Father allows us to experience trials because He knows it’s for our good. He asks us to receive trials joyously because the testing of our faith produces patience.

His end goal is that we will be perfect and complete, lacking nothing (James 1:2-4).

Job went through it all, losing everything he owned, including his children. On top of that, his body was ravaged by a terrible disease.

But deep down, he knew his father was still up to some good. Even when writhing in great pain and despair, he was confident that after being tested, he would shine forth as gold (Job 23:10).

God knows that when the trials are long gone, we will be more Christlike.

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My best friend in campus loves to torture remind me of a heartbreak I nursed years ago after a guy I (thought I ) was dating ended the relationship abruptly.

No explanation was offered. Zilch. I was inconsolable then. But now, when I look back, my heart overflows with gratitude to God for the broken relationship.

Hard times achieve for us an eternal glory that far outweighs the trials(2 Cor 4:17).

We can imitate this parenting gem from our heavenly father by desisting from overparenting our children: snowplowing their path, and obliterating all the hurdles.

Let’s allow them to speak up for themselves, solve problems, face the consequences of their actions, make choices, and do house chores.

It’s okay for them to be bored, forge their own friendships, and have us decline some of their requests.

It helps them develop the much-needed fortitude and tenacity to navigate life. They wind up mature and complete, lacking nothing.

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Ditch the Fear

Fear is often the overarching factor among overinvolved parents. Perhaps you fear that your child may grapple with the same struggles you did in your childhood.

You counter this by availing everything they ask for. You may also fear that they are susceptible to accidents, injuries, bullying, and kidnapping, among other dangers.

Parents also worry that their kids may keep bad company and make poor life choices. All these fears become the engine for overparenting.

Granted, it is the responsibility of parents to protect and guide their children. However, the line should not be blurred, causing us to micromanage them.

We can keep them safe but still give them room to tackle challenges and evolve into their unique personalities.

Furthermore, in the big scheme of things, our children do not belong to us but to God.

Parents and guardians are stewards.

King David brought this into perspective when he remarked that though his father and mother forsook him, the Lord would receive him (Psalm 27:10).

Even well-meaning parents are capable of failing their children. Dismally.

Only God is infalliable in fatherhood.

As stewards, God expects parents to nurture their children spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

He asks us to train them in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

He doesn’t want us to raise our children in fear. He wants us to trust him with the future of our children, and part of that involves allowing them to navigate life’s challenges.

Loosen Your Grip

Hand your child back their independence by loosening your grip on them. When they come to you with a problem, encourage them to forage for solutions.

When they fail to finish their school project on time, don’t cover for them. Allow them to grapple with the consequences of their choices.

Assign them age-appropriate chores and ensure they do them well. When they complain of boredom, stay put. Let them wiggle out of it by themselves.

When they get embroiled in conflict with their siblings or peers, desist from rescuing them. Allow them to flex their conflict-resolution skills.

Above all, allow them to thrive in their individuality without coercing them to fit into your desired personality.