Ever dealt with someone whose sole mission was to tweak something that irked them about you?

Ranging from your personality to how you chew your food or shuffle your feet as you walk?

Nothing is as off-putting as having a mere mortal try to fiddle with your internal settings.

I have been there countless times, not necessarily on the receiving end but on the off-putting end.

I have often succumbed to the itch to alter traits or habits exuded by, wait for it- my husband.

I have audaciously turned a blind eye to my flaws, picked up a magnifying glass, and zoomed in on his foibles.

I have intercepted and edited his sentences midway during chit chats with friends, making his words a little more prim and proper.

“What my husband really means is that our marriage is super!”

I have judged and poked gaping holes into his food choices.

“You can’t eat that, babe, it’s too calorie-dense”.

When our kids were younger, I would caution him to be more careful while playing with them, as if his fatherhood predisposed the kids he bore and loved to peril.

“You are tossing her too high up in the air, what if you are unable to catch her?

I have nagged, pestered, nudged, corrected, redirected, badgered- the whole shebang, all in a bid to tweak him to my liking.

In the process, I have left him frothing at the mouth, feeling outrightly disrespected.

Because no man will sit on his laurels as his wife tries to tweak him to her liking.

As you can tell, all my attempts to change him went pear-shaped. I failed. Dismally – and boy, am I glad I did!

I seared my fingers and learned a precious lesson- You cannot tweak a human heart.

Because human hearts are only malleable in the loving hands of the one who intricately knit them.

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Granted, God gives parents the responsibility to train, mold, direct, redirect, and shape their children.

However, He does not extend that liberty from one adult to another.

Yes, we can respectfully correct people and persuade them to ditch wrong paths or iciky habits. Respectful guidance definitely has its place.

But when we try to impose change, they retract like a turtle into its shell.

They feel belittled, treated like wimpy, ill-mannered children.

Hearts are Only Malleable in God’s Hands

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes. (Proverbs 21:1)

It took years of tugging and pulling for me to finally wave the white flag.

I learned that you cannot change an adult – a spouse, parent, friend, co-worker, churchmate, etc.

Human hearts are only malleable in the hands of their creator.

Only God knows how to meticulously unblock arteries and patch up leaky valves.

Only He knows where to prod to bring a man to his knees in repentance.

Just like in a medical heart surgery, recalibrating of hearts is a sacred procedure, a preserve for divinity.

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During heart surgery, only essential and highly trained medical personnel are allowed into the operating room.

Spouses, friends, children, well-wishers, and onlookers are shooed away.

The operating room has to be kept safe, sterile, and free of distractions.

In the same way, God, our Chief Cardiothoracic surgeon, doesn’t relegate heart business to anyone.

He asks that we all steer clear.

No Heart is Too Stubborn for God

Remember Saul turned Paul?

He loathed anyone who professed faith in Christ; they made him go green around the gills.

As a top-tier zealous Pharisee, he was en route to Damascus to rain down terror on a bunch of them.

With a heart as cold as ice, he made believers shake in their boots at the mere mention of his name.

Then came the heart surgery, abrupt and unexpected.

The Chief surgeon gave no warning.

He pounced on him on his journey, pinning him to the ground.

The road to Damascus wound up as the operating table.

“As he journeyed, he came near Damascus, and suddenly a light shone around him from heaven. Then he fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me? (Acts 9:3-4)

In a split of a moment, Saul’s heart had been sliced open and recalibrated.

Not by any of the apostles or the early believers whom he persecuted.

God does not delegate heart matters; he takes them into His own hands.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”(Ezekiel 36:26)

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Only God has the muscle to yank out the bulky heart of stone and replace it with a malleable heart of flesh.

“I, the Lord, search the heart and examine the mind.” (Jeremiah 17:10 a)

“For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”(Philippians 2:13)

Prayer Makes Hearts Supple

You see that time spent huffing and puffing, trying to wriggle adult hearts into submission?

That precious time could instead be invested in prayer.

Consider Esther.

With the threat of her people getting killed hanging over her queenly head, Esther needed to act swiftly.

Approaching the king frivolously wasn’t an option (Imagine a queen who can’t strut into her husband’s presence on a whim!).

She needed a strategy to win the king’s favor. Otherwise, she risked her own death.

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She called for a 3-day fast among all the Jews in Susa.

She instructed them to entreat God’s favor on her behalf, petition Him to mellow the king’s rock-hard heart.

When she finally stood before the King, his heart was as squishy as a stress ball; she could scoop up half of his kingdom if she liked.

“And the king said to her, “What do you wish, Queen Esther? What is your request? It shall be given to you—up to half the kingdom!” ( Esther 5:3).

Prayer had travelled where her words were forbidden, penetrating the crevices of the King’s heart, shattering the crusty exterior.

At the end, she and her people were saved in a mighty deliverance.

Although your words may lack the appeal to stir a loved one towards change, your prayers are like the wind- forceful and unhindered

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”(James 5:16)

Consider this your cue to stop pestering people and instead talk to their maker about the change you desire.

Please leave heart surgeries to God and see yourself out of the operating room.

Model Lovingly

Another biblical way to stir change in people is to keep mum and lovingly model the desired behaviour.

Not in a hypocritical, brash, condescending way but lovingly.

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 1 Peter 3: 1-2

It is possible to win people over with your actions as you shine the light of Christ.

As they observe your humility, love, gentleness, compassion, peace, patience, and self-control, their interest is piqued.

What you exude fascinates them, and they could use some of it.

They get drawn in – like moths fluttering around a lamp.

Reflection

• Are you wrestling with people’s hearts- Your spouse, family members, churchmates, or friends?
• Do you feel like the more you try to tweak them, the further they retract?
• Down your tools today and instead, pray for them.
• Model the change you desire lovingly-without a word