Do you feel like the warmth in your marriage has long fizzled out? Does it feel as if you are more of roommates than lovers? Many marriages face this challenge, long after the novelty of their marriage has petered out.
The fuzzy feelings that used to kick in so effortlessly get buried beneath the rubble of familiarity and life’s busyness. Here are suggestions on how a cold marriage can be thawed out.
Prioritize your marriage
Let’s be honest—life can get hectic. There are bills to pay, careers to fortify, children to raise, businesses to build, studies to pursue, and much more.
Often, after tying the knot, many couples prioritize every other life’s demand and relegate their marriage to the back burner.
It’s tempting to assume that the marriage can run itself without much input and that the deep love the couple shares is enough to sustain the marriage.
Not prioritizing the marriage relationship is a major undoing that causes couples to drift apart. No relationship can run on autopilot, least of all a marriage.
With the drift comes resentment, nonchalance, and a host of other problems. To bring back the warmth, couples need to connect intentionally.
Aim to spend time with your spouse, perhaps doing the things that brought you together in the first place.
Go on dates, watch movies, try new recipes, and explore your shared interests. Guard against the drift by spending quality time together.
Meet each other’s needs
“Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:4).
Being in a marriage where your needs are not met is disheartening. At the onset of relationships, especially in dating and in the early years of marriage, lovers go out of their way to enthuse each other.
With time, however, many spouses drop the ball. Familiarity sets in, and spouses begin taking each other’s needs for granted.
Additionally, one may not be clear on the things that make their partner tick. A wife may, for instance, be diligent in buying gifts for a husband who does not relish them.
A husband may pull off elaborate surprise birthday parties for years for a wife who loathes public attention.
To meet your spouse’s needs effectively, you need to be certain what those needs are in the first place. Oftentimes, male and female needs are polar opposites.
In his book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, Willard F. Harley, Jr. details men’s top five basic needs as sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration.
On the flip side, a woman’s top five basic needs are affection, intimate conversation, honesty, financial support, and family commitment. But don’t take Willard’s word for it; your spouse is best suited to articulate their needs.
Prioritise sexual intimacy
Sexual intimacy is a strong binding factor in marriage. God intended sex as a sacred seal in a marriage covenant. When a man and woman engage in sex, they become one in the body (1 Corinthians 6:16).
Sexual intimacy strengthens a couple’s emotional and physical connection, thus fortifying their commitment. When sex is not prioritized, the marriage deteriorates.
Connect with other couples
What happens when you remove a piece of firewood from a blazing fire? When the measly piece is left on its own, its flame eventually gets extinguished.
Undoubtedly, there is warmth in fellowship, and your marriage will benefit greatly from connecting with like-minded couples. They could be from your local church or within your circle of friends.
Being part of a couple group offers you support and encouragement as you muddle through the varying seasons of marriage.
You also glean different perspectives about marriage and have fun while at it. Additionally, it provides accountability and fosters a sense of community, helping you realize that challenges in marriage are not unique to you and your spouse.
The apostle Paul urged believers to spur one another toward love and good deeds. He also asks us not to give up meeting together but seek to encourage each other (Hebrews 10:24-25).
Couple fellowships add great value to marriages and should be prioritized.
Embrace open and honest communication
Nothing clogs up a marriage faster than poor communication. Open and honest communication is the backbone of a thriving marriage. It builds trust, respect and snuffs out conflict.
When spouses communicate effectively, they have fewer misunderstandings and steer clear of unnecessary arguments. It also nurtures emotional intimacy between spouses, preserving their unity.
Practice self-care
Getting married does not obliterate your individuality. You still need to indulge in the things that perk you up and reinvigorate you.
Self-care is doing the things that keep you healthy physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
This could be reading a book, journaling, working out, soaking in a bath, taking a walk, watching a documentary, having coffee with a friend, etc.
Self-care enables you to be the best version of yourself, even as you relate with your spouse.
In Conclusion
In life, any investment that is not tended to deteriorates and marriage is no exception. Consider doing the above to keep your marriage in shipshape.
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